Kevin Henkin

The Wall Street Journal is a terrific newspaper. Their analysis of finance, economic trends and the machinations in Washington represents the gold standard of business and political journalism. Their limp coverage of sports, however, is another story altogether. Sports are treated by the WSJ as an afterthought, and the quality of their sports coverage reflects that lowly placed priority.

As an example of this, check out an article the WSJ featured yesterday in which the writer boldly asserted that “LeBron James will best [Larry] Bird as the best-passing big man in history.” This assertion was based only on the statistic of assists. Below is the grid the writer used to back up his argument.

See, I’m pretty sure this is what Benjamin Disraeli meant when he allegedly said: “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.” Alas, it's all fun and games in sports writing until you start claiming that LeBron James is a better passer than Larry Bird.

Yes, it is indeed true that LeBron James is on pace (8.6 assists per game this season as of today) to surpass Larry Bird’s highest average assist total of 7.6 set in the 1986-87 season, and that is an impressive feat. However, to use these numbers alone to conclude that James is the better passing big man is wandering into a whole other country, one that’s wedged squarely in between the Republic of Shortsightedness and the Kingdom of Wrong.

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Coulda, shoulda, woulda. As in, they coulda pulled this one out late in the fourth quarter even after forty straight minutes of lackluster basketball. They shoulda beaten the New Jersey Nets - a team that had won an embarrassing total of five games this season heading into today - under just about any circumstances. And they woulda won the game easily, if only they hadn’t faltered in so many of the same old predictable ways that we’ve become very accustomed to in the past two months.

If you didn’t happen to catch this one, I completely understand. Especially when you considered that: A)  it was a nice start to a Saturday afternoon after a week of crappy weather, B) we were less than two days removed from that latest in a long line of painful second half collapses (against the hated Cleveland Cavaliers, no less), and C) the opponent today was the lowly New Jersey Nets.

I was here, however, to take one for the team and cover the game in person on your behalf. Working on the assumption that most people had other stuff to do today, I offer up the following Things That Only I Learned Today.

More after the jump...

Question: How many writers from SLAM Magazine does it take to replace a light bulb?

Answer: Three.

One to pick up a new bulb on his way to washing Carmelo Anthony’s car and attending to the daily maintenance of the SLAM “Kobe Shrine”;

One to bring the new light bulb into the house after he finds a thesaurus to help him find synonyms for the words “awesome!”, “unstoppable!” and “insane!”;

And one to actually screw in the light bulb, right after he pens a new article declaring Tyreke Evans to be the certified second coming of Oscar Robertson.

Look, I understand. The modus operandi of SLAM is to give readers a feel-good vibe about their favorite players, even players who happen to be as heinous and unlikeable as Kobe Bryant, and they’ve succeeded mightily in their endeavor. Originated all the way back in 1994, SLAM continues to be the favorite basketball magazine of people who can’t read. Thus, bearing their long-standing success in mind, I’ve offered to provide our own readers with a celebratory breakdown of the Celtics’ rotation players but without any hint of criticism or objectivity, SLAM Magazine-style:

More after the jump...